Tentative plans for today:

Morning: Morning walk to End-point (I dont see this working out... but I will try)
Clean room, cupboards, laundry etc
Afternoon: Go to Udupi... get specs and watch repaired...
Evening: Assignments
Night: Movies

Hmm... sounds quite chill... :)

D-DAY

D-DAY Zero

D-DAY Minus 1

D-DAY Minus 2

Sometimes you are there and you wish you were not... and if you had to be there, you should be with someone else.

Some people like to party, I dont. After a tiring day, I prefer good conversation. A cup of coffee and a good conversation is the biggest turn on... no wonder it is so hard to find (the conversation, not the coffee). I like partying but only with my close friends... people I can really, really be myself with.

Exams khatam... Yippie.... Yippie... Yippie. I have not slept well in nights... keep getting these wierd dreams. The other night I dreamed that my family was taken into custody by a Muslim (No, no, I am not anti-muslim...) goonda and we escaped on a boat.... came across a boy who was about to drown and my dad saved him... it was kinda funny. The boat was shaped like a snake... I have a fascination for snakes, dont know why... maybe it is related to my past life (No, no... I dont believe in reincarnation... it is easier to believe that there is only one life to fuck up, I might as well do so royally!!!)

I hate writing exams now... dont see a point. I mean, I know what I have learned, why do I need to give a proof of my learning... I am 23 (and proud of it), for heavens sakes... at this stage in my life if I need someone motivating (using exams as a tool) me to learn, how responsible am I?
During the exam, I compete...
My Aim: To be the first one to finish (Ok, this isnt mandatory) the paper and leave... but someone always beats me to it. When I dont achieve the first spot, I aim for the 2nd or 3rd or 4th... meaning, my writing goes all crawly and unreadable while I count how many people have left... and try to beat the rest.

I am supposed to catch up on my sleep... but sleeping during the day, it feels like a waste of time... So, right now listening to amazing amazing music... chatting with an acquaintance (or rather 'was' chatting until he left for a movie)...

A lot of friends are going through break ups (the phenomenon is perennial).

Me: Another friend is going through a break up
A2: Have you noticed how fast Geminis move on?
Me: Yep... I think thats the best thing to do
A2: M not sure... I mean, what about commitment and promises of forever?
Me: There is no forever and a broken heart just teaches us to stop being foolish and sentimental. Life is too short... If something doesnt work out, I think its his loss... entirely. Have fun and chill.

(Yep... A gnawing at the back of my mind telling me: "What a joke. Have you forgotten how long it has taken you to move on? Stop pretending... Dont you still think about it and get nostalgic? You know life will never be the same... who are you kidding? Who are you trying to fool with the devil-may-care attitude?")

Everytime I come across someone (friend, foe or acquaintance) from the past, I am amazed at the bond shared with him/her. Maybe it is 'coz we have shared the past... in the form of a similar life... same school or same college... It doesnt feel wierd and talking to him/her is so easy.

Congrats, Kadu!!!

I have 2 exams tom and both are very important... got a headache 'coz of staring at the screen all evening... fell asleep at 9:30 pm with hopes of waking up at 11:00 pm, but no intentions of opening the book before 12:01 am... and then this call at 11:38 pm ruined my plans for good:

Kadu: Hey sweetie... you are a saviour. I got placed...
Me: Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod... (I dont remember what I said after this)
Kadu: I am getting paid a bomb for doing what I love to do all night.
Me: (Knowing what a pervert he is, I am getting wierd ideas) But I thought you chat with me
Kadu: Yeah, but in the background I am doing other things like equity research
Me: Oh!!! And I thought what we have is exclusive... damn. Btw, I forgot to say Congrats.
Kadu: Yeah well... thanks... specially for last night. Now I have to come and meet you
Me: Oh, wow... Plz do that.

Kadu is one of my best friends. I last met him in June 2005. That was the first and last time we had gone out and it was wonderful.
Me: Hey honey, I am going out for dinner with Kadu... will be back asap.
Honey: Sure... but gimme the time.
Me: Well, I am meeting him at 7:30... so, I should be back max by 9:30 pm... How long can dinner take?
Hmm... at 11:30 pm
Me (to Kadu): hey, I think I should get back now... I would love to stay and talk all night... but I really have to go.

The best part about the dinner was:
Kadu: Here is something for you
Me (grabbing at the chocolate): Thanks... This is so sweet... and it is Kit Kat, thats my fav. How did you know its my fav?
Kadu: I didnt... I just thought gifting dairymilk is a cliche, so I got a Kit Kat.

I love the internet, it has brought me closer to so many people... but my friendship with Kadu has been really amazing... from acquaintances to best friends (He is my best friend, dont know about the other way round)... all on the net. And finally, everything he has gone through in 1.5 years has been worth it... I am so so so happy for him.

PS: He hates my blog (maybe he reads it secretly), so I will have to come up with an innovative trick to get him to read this.

Some of my fav actors

I absolutely adore him... the songs, dance, blue eyes, naughtiness...


Love all his movies... have watched most of them... Truman Show and Mask are my favorites.


One hot and sexy dude... He gives age an entirely new definition... Love his grey hair


Ok, this is kinda embarrassing... have loved him since I was a kid. It takes guts to wear yellow pants and act like an idiot. He is too funny in David Dhawan movies.



A photographer turned actor... I still remember his stint with 50-50 biscuits. He can steal the show even from Shahrukh Khan.


Have been his fan since Kaho na pyar hai... Need I say more? I love even the bad movies like muhjse dosti karogi etc etc

The chocolate boy... the most successful actor in Bollywood...


I totally admire this guy... a metrosexual...

I have loved him since "Main Khiladi Tu Anari" (specially his long hair).... He has just gotten hotter with age...

Some sweet moments in this crappy life:

Scene 1: A1's room:

Me: I am so so so so bored... have been reading all day.
A1: Thats why I ask you to attend classes...
Me: Hmm... I feel like the walls of my room are closing in on me... and I am claustrophobic
A1: So, you are bored.. huh??? (with an evil smirk on her face)
(Then I see the oil bottle in her hand.... I was trapped)
Me: Ok, ok... I will apply oil for you... See, this is the Nice Twin... Evil Twin would never have agreed to it.

Scene 2: On GTalk
N.PIR: hey

Me: hi

long time

N.PIR: ya

i hope i am not distubring

Me: no no

too bored with studies

how is work?

N.PIR: awrite

going good

got on today...after a weeks leave...

a little lazy

N.PIR: interestin blog!

:)

Me: thanks

u have not updated urs

N.PIR: am hooked!

ya man

Me: really?

thats nice to know

N.PIR: swear i am

Me: hehheheheh

my day just got good

N.PIR: which group do i fall under ?

:P

Me: hehhehhee

acquiantance?

N.PIR: :)

Me: wats PIR?

N.PIR: expect me to be a regular visitor now

Post impletmenation review

Me: wow

N.PIR: thats what my work is

Me: does it mean anything????

N.PIR: honestly NO

:)

just a jazzy name

Scene 3: In my room

A2: Hey, JD is Bhatia or Singh?
Me: I think he is Bhatia
A2: I think he is Singh
Me: Lets check it out... but how?
A2: E-mail, yaar...
Me: Ok, here it is.... Oops, he is Singh Bhatia... Stupid us... We should have bet on it
A2: Yeah, it would be like pari mutuel betting

Scene 4: On Yahoo mssngr
Kadu: You are a sick female... a guy's worst nightmare... one woman catastrophy

How crap is my life?

Your life's not bad...but you're too plain. Go explore your options. Do something new and exciting. Go start a fire, and throw yourself in it.


Hmm... interesting... Well, I have already made plans to make my life less crappy... ;)

Can this day BE any worse??? (Chandler, isstyle)... Actually, it can get worse... After all, it has just begun.
I slept at 3 am, woke up at 8.30pm. Sure, 5.5 hours is a lot of sleep.... for some people. I need atleast 7 hours. So, am sleepy but cannot sleep during the day since I kinda get insomniac at times...
Before leaving for the exam, my back started aching. It needs some massage, but that will be like a dream come true. The paper was subjective lasting for 2.5 hours... finished it in less than an hour... not 'coz I didnt know anything but am too lazy.... thought of treating myself to an orange candy but while I was receiving the change, the candy fell down... Nope, I couldnt eat it.. it was unsalvageable. I was 1 buck short and couldnt buy another one... :(
Then I lost my temper after a long time... but in my defence, I was provoked deliberately... just so that I would give some reaction... any reaction. But I am not sorry... I should be left alone when I want to be left alone...

A masterpiece

I just came across this at http://archana.blogspot.com/ and have to put it here:

1 down, 6 more to go

Let me explain... I had 9 courses running simultaneously this theme (so did most of us)... I have 7 exams spread over 5 days... finished off with one today... there are 6 more to go (incase your math is bad).
I actually did well, which is quite a surprise. Of course, my grades never depend on my performance (dont even ask why... even I dont know... I guess it is 'coz of the relative grading funda... the bastards always perform better... sigh!!!)
I had 2 more chaps to read at 1 am today but I was so tired and bored. My alarm is not working (Ok, ok... I am too lazy to change the batteries) and cel phone isnt loud enough to wake me. Earlier, my friend Bug was my human alarm. I guess he always knew he would be going to USA and followed their time zone... which worked out pretty great for me. I could rely on him to wake me anytime from 10 pm to 6 am... But then he actually shifted to USA and now, I think he follows the Indian time zone. Anyway, point is I am on the look-out for a human alarm... someone who sleeps while I am awake and is awake while I am asleep...

I have been thinking of writing about my best buddy for quite some time now, and what better time than now (when I have egg-jams looming overhead... hehehhehe, we engineers never change)... So, spotlight's on my best buddy, actually, she is my twin self.
For the Geminis, you know exactly what I am talking about... but for the uninitiated, every Gemini person is made of 2 people: the twins. Life would be hunky-dory if it were not for the fact that both are opposites... absolute opposites. That explains my confusion, indecision, double-talk, unpredictability.
Anyways, I have 2 twins (I know twins mean 2, but some Geminis have 3 or even 4 twins... ask Linda Goodman if you dont believe me).
I will introduce them: NT (Nice Twin) and ET (Evil Twin).

NT is a nice, docile, sober, garelu, religious person who wants to do good in life. She would not dream about hurting anyone. She is honest, loyal, caring and warm. She is always getting me into trouble with her good deeds and nice ways.

ET is a bitch. She has no principles and morals. She loves to have fun and is used to having her way, even if that is at the cost of someone else. She loves adventure and trying out new things. She only makes friends with people who are cool enough for her... and yeah, she is cool. She is my saviour, the one who gets me out of trouble and is my self defence against the Big Bad World (The song "Its a big, big world" is playing in my head... who is the artist, btw???)

This is a typical scene from their interaction (I would never have dreamed of using such a word before joining MBA... my vocab is completely ruined now):

ET: So, unsexy bitch, whats the plan for today?
NT: Hey, you said the "b" word... We have a date with AJ.
ET: Who is AJ? Wait a min, is he the boring, rotlu guy who calls you at night and does not get off the phone for hours??? How did we end up on a date with him?
NT: Umm... c'mon, dont be so mean... he is going through a hard time and needs a friend. While you were out killing lizards, I said "yes" when he asked me out.
ET: You said "yes"??? What the f***?
NT: I am really sorry.. but I couldnt say "No". I didnt want to hurt his feelings.
ET: What do you mean by "I couldnt say No"???? Just say "No" or "I am busy" or "Some other time" or if worse comes to worse "I have a bf and he wont approve"
NT: Umm... You know I am a bad liar, so I dont even try to lie. C'mon, he might be fun.
ET (looking daggers at NT): Well, then you go... I am not coming.
NT (devastated): What? I cannot go without you... what if he acts funny? What will I do then? Who will take care of me? What if I get bored? You cannot let me go alone... plz plz plz (sobbing now)
ET: Ok, ok.. wipe those damn crocodile tears... you are such a girl. Just 'coz I love you (and that is the only "good" thing about me), you cannot take advantage by turning on those tears. I will come along only if you promise to do as I say.
NT: Anything for you...
ET: We will do one of the following:
Option 1: Not turn up... and when he calls to find out where we are, we will tell him "I am stuck somewhere and cannot make it... sorry, maybe some other time" and there will not be "another time"....
Option 2: Turn up, sit for half an hour... I will ask J to give us a call saying there is an emergency and we have to leave. If we are bored, we leave... if we are not, we stay.
NT: I will go with option 2... that ways, I dont have to lie. I just have to repeat what J tells me on the phone and AJ gets a chance to prove that he is not boring.
ET: Good girl. And after this, I handle the wierdos and jerks and you handle the nice and cute guys. Kapish?
NT: Kapish

I have just been reading this person's post on how freaked out he is about marriage @ http://venkysays.blogspot.com/

One of the comments:
"aha!
Hey well i can relate to what uir going thru..i was in ur state too untill last yr when I got married...but by last yr I seemed quite ready for it..coz I met the right person...guess its all a matter of meeting the right person!
And hey who says u cant go bungee jumping and partyingafter marriage...i have done crazier things after marriage than before...like I said.."its abt the right person"!
All the best!:-)"

Another one says:
" hmm interesting.. How does one ever know who is the right person.. may be Anand can help... And Scary is just one part of it."

I have been wondering how does one know about the "right person"???
We want it all: passion, jokes, understanding, love, looks, sparks, maturity.
Is it possible to get it all? What if we have to compromise on one or more of them? Which one would you compromise on?
I thought I could compromise on understanding... it didnt work...
I thought I could compromise on passion... again, it didnt work.
And now I am confused...
While one part of me enjoys the sense of humor, another part is observing how unemotional he is.
While one part knows he is one person who will be around always, another part is wondering how long my interest in him will last.
While one part is flattered by his attention, another part is noticing how self-centred he is...

My nature according to Kabalarian Philosophy:

• Although your name creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition.
  
• This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, worry, and mental tension.

• Your first name has given you a rather quiet, reserved, serious, studious nature.

• You have sensitivity and appreciation for the finer and deeper things of life, the beauties of nature, music, art, and literature.

• The people who mean the most to you are those who can offer you intellectual companionship.

• It is only when you are among those who understand your deeper nature that you can really be yourself.

• The experience of having your remarks taken lightly or belittled, particularly during the early years of your life, has caused you to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself.

• You do not express yourself spontaneously when conversing with others; hence other people may often regard you as being aloof, and even unfriendly.

Scene 1: Class room

Me: But Sir, we have placements coming up... Please can you postpone the submissions?
Sir: No... no.... I have already given you guys enough time
Me: But, that will affect the quality of our output? What is the point then?
Me (to JD): Hey, which submission are we trying to get postponed?
JD: I am not sure... but you are on the right track.. keep going
Sir: What do you mean by placement preparation?
Me: Well Sir, we have to prepare a few courses, check out company details, profiles etc. It is a lot of work
Sir: Ok, ok... You can submit the assignment on 28th Dec.
Students: Sir, what about christmas? We will have to work on that day too. Can you postpone it till Jan?
Sir: Hmm... how about 31st dec?
Students: But Sir... New years...
Sir: 28th is the date... Those who dont submit it...
Student: Will get an extension?
Sir: hahahhaha... you guys are funny...

The Wonder Years

For the fans of "The Wonder Years"... this is the first episode... Yenjoy!!!

kill bill 1+2 in 120 seconds!!!

This is for all Kill Bill fans. I had watched this movie in 2004 on Valentine's day...
Me: Happy Valentine's
Bug: Happy Valentine's
Me: Whats the plan?
Bug: Movie and then I have to go home since mom isnt well
Me: Hmm.. ok. Which movie? It better be good... I cannot watch bad movies in the theatre
Bug: It is Kill Bill by Quentin Tarrantino. Damn good director. You will love it. Loads of violence and stuff
Me: C'mon, it is Valentine's. Can you atleast pretend to be romantic for one day during the year? No violence and all, yaar
Bug: Trust me, you will love it..
Me: How can you be so sure?
Bug: I know you...

Guess wat???? I loved loved loved the movie... It is full of blood, violence... I was on the edge of my seat... The sequel is as good. One of the few movies whose sequel lives upto its expectations. Catch the song "Bang bang" from this movie.

Kill Bill 2-Whistle

My fav whistle

Before I joined MBA, the people I knew were categorised as follows:

• Family
• Relatives
• Family friends
• Best friends
• School friends
• Tuition friends
• Boarding friends
• College friends
• Best friends from school/boarding
• Best friends from college
• Hostel friends
• Acquaintances
• Strangers

All the people I knew fell in one of the above categories... there were rarely any gray patches. Right now, my life is filled with gray... Apart from above categories, following have been added:

• 1st year Groupies
• 2nd year Groupies
• People I completely ignore
• People I discuss only work with
• People I discuss other people with
• People I discuss only personal life with
• People I discuss everything apart from work and personal life, with
  
• Acquaintances
• Strangers
• TAPMI friends
• People I hang out with: 'coz they are (or pretend to be) different from the rest (for better or for worse)
  

Hmm... I wish I could give a name for these people... I have a good discussion with so many of them in a day and yet keep wondering how I am to categorise them... where do they fit in...

Sing along: Nelly Furtado

"Say It Right"

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonight you tonight

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

Nelly Furtado: Say It Right.

Damn damn addictive... Cant get enough of it.

QOTB

A bus ride
+
Kaup beach
+
Lighthouse
+
Trying to climb down treacherous rocks
+
Sea breeze
+
Lemon and spoon race
+
3-legged race
+
Masala bun
+
Orange bar
+
Good Music
+
Friends
+
Quiz
+
Giri "pick-brain"
+
Corporate teams battling it out
+
Fire-crackers

=

QOTB (Quiz on the beach)

An event I thoroughly enjoyed from beginning to end... a much-needed break...

Right now I am in the sys lab, listening to good music with Tangy-wangy and working on Update... At the back of my mind is the thought that this is the peace before the storm. My life is going to change in the next 20 days... for better or for worse, is the question. Am I worried??? I am trying not to think about it... Dont want to feel the heat.
The time to leave is creeping near and despite everything... I have gained so much out here... I have started believing in myself like I never did earlier. I plan to go for further studies in the far future, but for the next 10 yrs... this is the last lap of college life for me... I will miss it... a lot. I have gained some gem of friends out here who will last me a lifetime... I know I will not visit TAPMI again... I dont like to look back... I believe in letting bygones be bygones. Of course, memories never let me move on competely...

Some moments:

A1, A2 and me on my way to hostel from coll... trying to flag an auto.

Me (screaming on the top if my voice): Autoooooooo......
A1: Stop screaming... he isnt going to stop. We will have to get an auto at the auto stand
Me: What the f***??? He didnt even look at me... I have never felt so unattractive in my entire life

Can we live our life in moments? Just forget everything.. friends, family, responsibility, money etc and just live in that one moment... what you do then does not count... it does not mean a thing... it is not "you"... It is like you are taking a break from being "you"... Is that possible?

Wanna watch mindless entertainment? Watch Dhoom 2...

• Sexy Bips...
  
• Sexy Ash (would have preferred Amrita Rao to her... Ash cannot act)
• Hot, unshaven Abhishek
• Hot and oh, so sexy Hrithik
• Irritating Uday
• Flying stunts (Can be digested if you are a Hrithik fan)
• Ok kinds script
• Nothing gr8 songs
• Undigestable coincidences
• Amazing smooch of Hrithik and Ash (Why do people talk while smooching in the movies?)
• Hated it when the bitch, Ash shoots Hrithik
• Loved it when Hrithik is still alive and as naughty as ever
• Dont know why they had to show Abhishek in the end, the impact would have been more if they would have left some loose ends
  

I was supposed to watch it in the theatre, but could not get the tickets... couldnt have been happier. I cannot watch bad movies in a theatre... I have no qualms about sleeping during the movie.
Watch Dhoom 2 at your peril. You wont be missing much if you dont catch it. Hrithik should stick to Rakesh Roshan's movies... I loved him in Krrish.

The puurfect song to propose a girl:

Artist: Enrique Song: Hero

(Whispered) Let me be your hero Would you dance if I asked you to dance? Would you run and never look back Would you cry if you saw me crying Would you save my soul tonight? Would you tremble if I touched your lips? Would you laugh oh please tell me this Now would you die for the one you love? Hold me in your arms tonight? (Chorus) I can be you hero baby I can kiss away the pain I will stand by you forever You can take my breath away Would you swear that you'll always be mine? Would you lie would you run and hide Am I in toodeep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care you're here tonight Chorus I just want to hold you (2x) Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? Well I don't care you're here tonight Chorus (2x) You can take my breath my breath away I can be your hero

Some nightmares are never over. Even when the ghosts are gone, the memories haunt... or maybe news about the ghosts... They may have changed you and broken your spirit... you may have stopped trusting people in general.. you may envy people their devil-may-care attitude... and yet, some or the other incidents keep reminding you about it.... even though all you want to do is forget...
You were not even at fault, unless trusting someone and wearing your heart on your sleeve is a fault.
Life is not fair... We are dragged into situations we have never even dreamed of.
I have hurt someone unconsciously, and as soon as I realized that, I apologized... but yet I am the source of her anger... I understand that she is looking for someone to blame and who better than me? I am a stranger, after all. But what about me? I was dragged between 2 people through no fault of mine... She would have spent her entire life trusting a bastard if it were not for me...
I am glad I did the right thing and it did take a lot of guts. I did it on an impulse... someone tactful or practical would never have dealt with it the way I did. I know I am right and thats all that matters.
I just hope someday when she has come to terms with her pain, she passes the blame to the one who actually deserves it instead of me.

Porn-Corn

Me: Hi, who is Shaqila (hope I have spelt that correctly)?

F: You dont know Shaqila? She is a famous South-indian porn star

Me: This may come as a culture shock to you, but I dont watch porn. Anyway, she must be quite ugly.

F: Have you never ever watched porn? She is ugly, with thunder thighs and all... but somehow, guys like her

Me: Yuck, disgusting. I have watched porn, but it repels me... it is so so...umm... so

F: Mechanical?

Me: Yeah, egg-actly.. mechanical. The other day AS was telling me about the stages in porn-watching.

F: There are stages?

Me: I guess so...

Stage 1: Guy will watch any sort of porn without discrimination... even peek-e-boo will do... even the most disgusting porn will generate interest
Stage 2: He will become selective... since he knows what he likes.... wont waste his time on stuff he does not like
Stage 3: He will watch only celebrity porn... from Bipasha to Britney...
Stage 4: He will start watching real-life porn... MMS scandals, wardrobe mal-function...
Stage 5: The final stage where he attains Nirvana.... he loses interest in porn... it is all "Been there, done that" for him...

F: Interesting.

Artist: Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman
	Song: Something Stupid
	I know I stand in line Until you think you have the time To spend an evening with me And if we go someplace to dance I know that there's a chance You won't be leaving with me Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place And have a drink or two And then I go and spoil it all By saying something stupid Like I love you I can see it in your eyes That you despise the same old lines You heard the night before And though it's just a line to you For me it's true And never seemed so right before I practice every day to find some clever lines to say To make the meaning come through But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late And I'm alone with you The time is right Your perfume fills my head The stars get red And oh the night's so blue And then I go and spoil it all By saying something stupid Like I love you I love you...

When we learn a new language, we enter a new world.. the sight, sound, taste, feel of things change.
I can speak Hindi, English, Gujarati and Sindhi. I think in English.
For example, take an onion. In Gujarati, it is called kanda... an image of a small onion oval in shape flashes in my mind.
In Sindhi, it is called bhasar... an image of a large, round onion flashes in my mind.
In Hindi, well, I cannot even remember what it is called in Hindi.
Out of the four languages, Sindhi is the only one I cannot read and write and I am ashamed of it 'coz it is my mother tongue. My granny tried to teach me when I was in school but it was too difficult and I gave up. Someday, I will learn it... I hope it wont be too late to enter another world then.
These days, Sindhi families living in the metros are switching to Hindi. They are trying to move away from the tag of being a "Sindhi". Very few Sindhi youngsters can understand or speak their mother tongue. They are ashamed of their culture. Even I dont know about the troubles my grandparents went through when they came to India during partition. Some people label me as "Pakistani" even though my grandparents shifted to India during partition and not later. It pricks, 'coz I am patriotic. I love my country and will never leave it.

I watched Sense and Sensibility and loved it... I am a big Jane Austen fan... have read most of her books... my fav is Pride and Prejudice. I love classics; Little Women, Gone with the wind etc. The stories are so real and touching, the characters, so believable. Some of my fav things about classics:

• The pretty gowns, with corsets and all... It must be quite a bother wearing so many clothes but they look; oh, so awesome.
• The horses and carriages: love the sound they make, gallop gallop, trot trot
• The men: the distinguished and good looking men...
  
• The dance: it is so wierdly graceful
• But the best of all: the etiquette, mannners... If I was born in such a world, I would be a complete misfit.
  

I love Hugh Grant... I love him even when he is acting like a bastard (Bridget Jones Diary), but he is so adorable in the lovey-dovey movies... looks so vulnerable that any woman would love to be in love with him.

Life plays wierd games... all this while, not a drop on this parched earth and then, when it rains... it showers.

Proof of my creativity???

What happens when you cannot retain what you learn in class.. and then you do not bother to read up before the next class... and as luck would have it, the Prof gives a surprise quiz:

Another of my all time fav songs.... Artist: Bryan Adams Lyrics
	Song: Baby When You're Gone
	I've been wandering around the house all night wondering what the hell to do Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you well the phone don't ring 'cause my friends ain't home I'm tired of being all alone Got the tv on 'cause the radio's playing songs that remind me of you Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone I keep driving up and down these streets trying to find somewhere to go Yeah i'm looking for a familiar face, but there's no one I know oh, this is torture, this is pain, it feels like I'm gonna go insane I hope you're coming back real soon, 'cause i don't know what to do Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone Baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love days go on and on and the nights just seem so long Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone

When was the last time you sat with an acquaintance and asked him/her... "Tell me about yourself". I personally hate this question, 'coz I dont like talking about myself. But I like to hear the other person's reply... what is he/she going to talk about?

When was the last time you held someone's hand? 4 years back when I was going through personal hell, my friend had just listened to me and held my hand. I was touched, still remember what it felt like. It seemed so easy and natural. I wanted to do that today, but something held me back. I didnt know expressing how you feel can be so difficult.

All in all, life is good (touchwood)... hope it only gets better.

My theme song: It is so so so purrfect...

Song: I am a bitch, I am a lover

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Few weeks back, AS passed me a note:
"Why havent you mentioned about Update on your blog?" I dont usually discuss what I write on my blog, so I didnt reply to the note. Update... Update is the official magazine of TAPMI released during convocation. It covers all the events. Last year, a separate team was formed to bring out the new issue of Update. The team was formed on voluntary basis... the senies were asked to recommend the junies. Shake and Arun were part of the team, they were in AAF and so was I... so they suggested my name. This is how it went.

Shake: I have recommended your name for Update... are you interested?
Me (barely concealing my excitement): Yes... of course... Yippie... cool
Shake: but I am not sure. Dionysia (inter-section drama competition... flagship event of AAF) is coming up and Update requires a lot of work. What if you neglect AAF 'coz of Update?
Me: Never, I wont... I promise. Plz plz let me be a part of Update
Shake: I am warning you.... I am senie, if I think you are neglecting AAF, I can get you kicked out... I will kick your a**
Me: Acha baba, ab dhamkana band karo...

And I was a part of Update. And no, I did not neglect AAF... Update was a test of my professionalism and will power... for very personal reasons. Now I am a senie member of Update... we are a good team... some enthu, some not-so enthu... but everyone is dedicated. We will be recruiting the junies soon... who will take intiative next year.

Why do the cutest guys turn out to be gay????? Artist: George Michael Lyrics
	Song: Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Lyrics
	You put the boom-boom into my heart You send my soul sky high When your loving starts A jitterbug into my brain It goes a bang-bang Till my feet do the same But something's bugging me Something ain't right My best friend told me what you did last night You left me sleeping in my bed I was dreaming but I should have been with you instead Chorus: Wake me up before you go-go Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo Wake me up before you go-go I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high Wake me up before you go-go 'Cos I'm not planning on going solo Wake me up before you go-go Take me dancing tonight You put the grey skies out of my way You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day Turned a bright spark into a flame My beats per minute never been the same 'Cos you're my lady I'm your fool It makes me crazy when you act so cruel Come on baby lets not fight We'll go dancing Everything will be alright Chorus: Cuddle up baby, move in tight We'll go dancing tomorrow night It's cold out there but it's warm in bed They can dance We'll stay at home instead

Yawn... yawn... GrandScam, oops... I mean, BrandScan has had a lasting effect. (BrandScan is the market research fair of TAPMI). For the last one week, we were up till 2 am working (painting, cutting, pasting etc).

Some of its after-effects:

• I sleep during the day and keep awake all night
  
• Cant stand the sight of a proper meal... have been surviving on curd for the last 2 days
• Junk food makes me pukish
• Any food is undesirable
• I think I may have lost a teeny-weeny bit of weight... Nope, dont you dare comment on this one unless it is a positive comment
• The dagger of placements is closer to my neck... and I am really tensed
• Got to interact with the junies (damn good bunch, I must add)... few more people to wish "Hi, Bye"

I am tired... so, so, so tired. Everything is changing and it is difficult for me to keep pace with it. I just want atleast one constant, atleast one thing which will last forever... one thing I can always always rely on. I do get bored easily, very easily... but I am still craving for security... Life is moving too fast for me... and I hate it when I cannot control my life.
Sometimes I wonder if I have become to distrustful. I dont believe a word of what most people say. I expect them to lie, trick me, decieve me... sure, I do have good friends... but a lot of times, my trust has been broken... and I keep expecting it to happen again...
I specially distrust those who sweet talk... I dont believe in connections or coincidences... I dont think people can be nice without a reason. It would be great if it could go like this:

Him: Hi... Since you like it direct, I just want to play around with you. Are you game?
Me: Naah... I am not. I have better things to do... maybe some other time, when I am jobless
Him: yeah, well.. thats ok. I will find someone else. Thanks for not wasting my time.
Me: No problemo...

If only life were that simple.

On my jukebox: Goodbye from Alicia Keys (What a perfect perfect song for a miserable day)

Mhmn bye bye

How do you love someone
That hurts you oh so bad
With intentions good
Was all he ever had

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Maybe love is a hopeless crime
Giving up what seems your lifetime
What went wrong with something once so good

How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

I know now I was naïve
Never knew where this would lead
And I'm not trying to take away
From the good man that he is

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Was it something wrong that we did
Because others infiltrated
What went wrong with something once so good

How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

Is this the end are you sure
How should you know when you've never been here before
It's so hard to just let go
When this is the one and only love I've ever known

So how do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye



One of my fav fav songs... a voice which peps me up... Ronan Keating, the love of my life.

"I Love It When We Do"

I love it when we do what we [x2]

Ahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa [x3]

When you're around the sun is always shining
And since we met I haven't once stopped smiling
The love I feel for you is almost blinding yeah

I'm running up and down the street
Hugging everyone I meet
Now you love me life is sweet
When I got you in my arms
I can't turn off the fire alarms yeah

I love it when we do what we do

because we do what we do till it's done
I love the way we do what we do

because we do what we do and it's fun

you're the one

When you're around my eyes will never wander
And there ain't no-one else I've ever been more fonder of
So baby don't you break this spell I'm under yeah

When I look into your eyes I don't have to fantasize
You're a dream that's realised
I'm dancing on the moon inside
If life is cruel then someone lied

I love it when we do what we do

because we do what we do till it's done
I love the way we do what we do

because we do what we do and it's fun

you're the one

I dig it when we kiss and we hug and you're cuter than a bug in a rug my love

When you and me
no to end to us
It makes me cry
It makes me trust

repeat chorus [x2]

When you and me
taste so sweet
It makes me cry
It makes me trust

Flashback: More than a year ago

A phone call from a recent acquaintance:

Him: Hi, what are you doing?
Me: going to the mess for dinner.... why?
Him: Ok, meet me in 20 mins, I was at CCD and got you a brownie, lets share it.
Me: What? Where? Hello... hello???

25 mins later:

Two of us sitting in the campus and trying to split the brownie in half... What did we talk??? No idea, I just remember him saying : "I wonder what is beyond that wilderness"
Hmm.. I wondered too...

Next morning: 7.30 am:

A phone call from the acquaintance
Him: Wake up, you said you wanted to go for a morning walk... sorry for waking you so late.
Me: Thats ok... you wont believe where I am.
Him: Tell me
Me: Remember when you said "I wonder whats beyond the wilderness"... well, I got curious and I walked here... this place is beautiful... there is the moon on one part of the sky and the sun on the other part... You have to check it out
Him: Cool, I will call you at 5 and you can show it to me.

7 pm: Half way to the place
Him: Damn, it is dark... I am sorry I got late. Are you sure this is the way?
Me: Damn sure... I am good with roads... Do you think it is ok to go there now?
Him: Well, now that we are here, we might as well go on...

7.05 pm:
Me: this is the place...
Him: Wow... it is beautiful even in the dark. Are those fireflies? The houses are so rustic, gives it a nice look.

Sometime later:
Me: Whats the time??
Him: Lemme check... it is 11 pm
Me: What??? Already? I thought it might by 9 or something. Shit... we better hurry...
Him: Relax, your hostel is barely 5 mins away... we will be there by 11:20 max...

Thats how we discovered the "Hillside".
Recent pics of Hillside:

"But the restless Mercurial mind can too easily overlook the bluebird of happiness waiting wistfully year after year in his own backyard. He wears yellows, greens and blues, silver and gray -- and his moods reflects his glittering aquamarine jewel. He has the light touch, echoed in the delicate fragrance of the lily-of-the-valley, and he has breathed the fresh promise of the greenest ferns in the deepest part of the forest. But the cold metal of mercury divides Gemini into twin desires, until he stops -- and waits -- and listens -- to his own heartbeat"

-- Sun Signs by Linda Goodman

I did not believe this till I found my bluebird waiting for me in my backyard. What took me so long to recognize it?

Highlight of the day: My new book shelf...

---A pic by an old acquaintance, Abhishek Jain (Ahmedabad)

Sometimes in life, we come across a world completely different from ours... a world we have only read about, seen on tv, heard of happening to someone else, thought about, wondered how it would feel if we were a part of it.... so, how does it feel when we come face-to-face with it? when we realise that we can be a part of that?
I have never felt happier to be who I am... I had a secure childhood. Even though I was in a hostel all my life, my parents were one phone call away. Since there were no good schools in my hometown, they had to send me away... but at no point of time, I have ever felt neglected by them... I have been given the freedom to lead my life in my own way...
How many can boast of such security and independence?

Here are the pics of my fav place in Manipal... I call it "Hillside"

I read this on Gunjan's blog and have to put it here:

Few years back a friend was narrating his break up.

Him: My aunt is a psychiatrist and I would study in her clinic. I could concentrate better. I met her at the clinic. She was a patient. Her bf had dumped her and hurt her terribly. We got talking and one thing led to another... Then, one fine day, without any reasons she dumped me.... just like that. I still dont know why she did that.
Me: Hmm... seems to me like she was on a rebound and needed somebody... Well, she could have dumped you much later and then it would be more difficult to get over her. But tell me one thing, I can see why she fell for you. Why did you fall for her.... I mean, what is lacking in your life, which need is unfulfilled that you sought refuge in her.
Him: Interesting... I never thought about that.

Everything we do is based on a need... we have to identify the need... it could be the need for company, appreciation, money etc. Consciously and unconsciouly we tend to move on after our need is over. Sounds very selfish, I know.... but look deeper and question yourself...

Love is a need too... a need for company, a need to be accepted, a need to be appreciated...

I had read somewhere that people get married because they are looking for someone who acts as evidence to their life... meaning, we all want someone who can remember who we were, who we are and who we will ultimately become.

Highlight of the week: Someone trying to make up for being so busy. It is easy to meet someone's expectations, but how many of us can do the unexpected and make someone's day?

Decision to be made: I can either get bugged and not involve myself in any of the activities and consider them a waste of time OR I can help out, have fun and just chill...
Hmm... decision made: I will pitch in, have fun and chill out...

An interesting image I came across: It is titled Evolution

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/37636631/
?qo=21&q=evolution&qh=boost%3Apopular+age_sigma%3A24h+age_scale%3A5

After spending 1.5 yrs in a B-school I can smell a person's specialisation:

Finance guys:
The geeks... the hardworkers... they have their head buried in books all the time. They are the silent ones, the uncool ones... they work, work and work... Believe in minding their own business and are the most helpful ones. Any added assignment, specially in fin, cheers their life.

Marketing guys:
The talkers... the cool ones... they believe they can get away with anything and they usually do. They talk their way out of situations... Kotler is their guru. Nothing is impossible for them. Assignments??? Haa... no hurry, whats are last moments for?

HR guys:
The politicians... loved by everyone... they have the right things to say. The girls are usually pretty, know how to use their charms and talk well. They love people and have a soothing presence. Trust? Well, do that at your own peril.

There are 2 kinds of people:
1) People who dont give a damn about their weight.
2) People who give a damn about their weight

How often have you heard the remark; "You have gained/lost weight".
Now, if I dont care, this remark means nothing at all... it just irritates me. I am like; "I dont care what you think. Keep your opinions to yourself"

If I care, I am like; "I know that. Why the hell do you want to remind me about it?"
The most amazing thing is how these remarks are always from someone who doesnt even remotely have the "perfect" figure.

Number of times I have listened to the song "Listen to my heartbeat" by Bombay Vikings within an hour: 5 times....
Number of times I intend to listen to the above song/day: atleast 10 times....
Yeah, I am addicted.

The other day Kadu was removing his frustration on me:

Kadu: I dont get it. You know all guys are creeps, then why complain? You girls have a definition about creeps... for you, creeps=guys. I mean, is it my fault I am made this way. How can you expect me to change? For you girls; practical, sex, unemotional, selfish etc is bad.... then I am bad. What can I do about it???

This got me thinking. Have women (specially the feminists) defined creeps as guys, so that they can pretend to be victims and make guys feel guilty about being who they are?

Are we (women) that smart???

I was reading a book on Godhra riots... I was in A'bad when they occurred. I had seen people burning the shops (I was stupid enough to be out on the streets that day) and was shocked to my very core to read about the inhumanity. How can human beings be so inhuman? I just dont get it. I stopped reading half way... could not go on... it was too terrible. And to think that all this happened in one of my fav places... A'bad.

I have stopped reading books on partition, I cannot come to terms with the fact that normal humans are capable of such cruelty and insanity.

All the time, I have people around who try to change me... I know it happens with everyone. I am not perfect and I dont want to be. Who do I trust? The traits I am expected to imbibe are the ones present in the one who is demanding the change from me. What if I do not want to be like him/her? What if I want to lead my life in a different manner? What makes people such an expert on others? If only they knew what others think about them. We are all in the same boat... at the end of the day you are as popular/unpopular, have as many friends/enemies, are as much respected/disrespected as I am... So, why should I change? I have changed, but only on the basis of the feedback of people I trust and they are few and far between... People who have no ulterior motives for changing me... People who are not advising me so that I may become more like them. I am going to be just the way I am... and I am the only one who is going to decide what needs to be changed.

Some unanswerable questions:

• Why is that some of the most perfect things in our life suddenly seem so imperfect?
  
• Why do we never forgive the people who are not around when we really need them?
  
• Why is there no limit to our expectations?
• Why are we most vulnerable when we can least afford to be?
• What if everything you have been working for is actually not worth it?
• How do you move on (something you have been trying to do for 1.5 yrs) finally and not realise it?
• How does the most important person in your life become the most unimportant?
• Why all the questions... why all the loneliness... why all the sentiments ???

On my jukebox: Listen to my heartbeat by Bombay Vikings.... 6 years back when this song was released, I used to play it over and over and over again for days... How things have changed since then. Hmm... and again it has cheered me up... Aah, the power of music.